We all have a desire in our lives to be fully known and fully loved. And although this is one of our deepest desires, it is so often left unfulfilled. How can we experience this kind of intimacy? We search out this desire with all our strength and passions, but still come up empty. Will we ever have this need in our lives met? I believe we have just been searching in the wrong places far too long.
I have searched many places, but the place I seeked intimacy the longest was in friendships. I really thought that if others could just know who I really was, and still care deeply for me I would be satisfied. I’m a classic “people pleaser” as much as I’d hate to admit it. The problem was that I don’t even fully know myself, and no one person ever would. The other problem was that although people are capable of deep, passionate love, they are not capable of a perfect agape love. And so, I was constantly disappointed in friendships and was constantly unsatisfied. Trust me this is still a daily battle, and I am so so far from getting this right, but now I know God alone has the capacity to fully know me and the capacity to fully love me.
Psalm 139, “Oh LORD (Yahweh), you have searched me and known me! You known when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand will hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in the secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Of that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with a complete hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there by any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
David starts the psalm crying out to the Lord. In the Hebrew language, whenever you see Lord capitalized it means Yahweh. Yahweh is the intensely personal and intimate name of God the Father. So before we even get past the first verse we know this psalm is going to be deeply personal. The Jewish people never spoke the name Yahweh and actually spelled Yahweh without vowels on written text out of respect and fear or the same reasons. We can be assured that our God is deeply personal. Yahweh has searched an known us.
The extent to which God knows us is incomprehensible. We were created to know him. The very heart of creation is relational, because the heart of our triune God is relational. Knowing God and being known by him should be our greatest joy and deepest longing of our hearts. And take hope, because this venture can be fulfilled in Christ, and in Christ alone.
If we could fly all the way to heaven, God is there. Sheol is a Hebrew word that means the grave or the depths. Even if we dig ourselves down and hide ourselves away as far as we possibly can, God is there. From the east to the west, God is there. This gives me such hope. Nothing I ever do will cause God to love me anymore or any less and nothing I ever do will result in a lack of pursuit from God for my soul.
You were created for more than just doing things and just living your life. You have a purpose, and for many of you part of that purpose is nursing. The other part is that you were created to know Jesus and be known by Jesus. That is the very heart, or intention, of why you are on this earth. Of course you may have many purposes, of being a husband or wife, a father or mother, or any other number of things. But on thing is certain, that you have a purpose planned out for you not only for God’s glory but for your fulfillment.
P.S. My blogging has been pretty sporadic since I’m a novice blogger, but I’ve been learning and growing SO much and it has been a blast! One thing I want to do is give my readers more of a consistency for my posts. So you can expect posts in your mailbox every Wednesday and Sunday. Twice weekly encouragement from The Joyful Nurse! Thank you again to all my followers–keep an eye out for a special email this week!