Disclaimer: We are going deep here. This thing called life. It’s a little much. It’s a little overwhelming. And at times I have to admit I feel like just a little too much, and just a little not enough. Yeah–those are called insecurities. Oh I how I wish the raindrops of insecurity wouldn’t rain on my parade. I’d much rather be splashing around wearing bright red rain boots and dancing in the rain with reckless abandon. But they do, they rain on my parade.
I’ve realized something this past year. I think about myself a lot. And I tend to be pretty self centered, even against my best efforts. Can you relate? That all your focus is on you? It’s exhausting. And a little disappointing isn’t it? I mean, even if you’ve had a year full of successes and victories, don’t you just feel like there should be something more? Something more than you?
I’ve been a part of a church this past year that has turned my way of thinking upside down. It’s been…Challenging. Upsetting. Frustrating. Beautiful. Refreshing. Redeeming. I am so blessed by this community of believers who have taught me to chase after Jesus.
My way of thinking has for the most part of my life been about me. But I’ve discovered there is a much better way. And that comes from knowing God. Truly knowing Him and loving Him and praising Him. Rather than asking…What does God think of me? How do I fit into God’s plan? What can God do for me? Instead, I’m learning to focus on what God is doing, has done, and will do for His glory. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. In order to lay down my insecurities and self-centeredness I need to be focused on knowing God, and his word.
2 Timothy 3: 16-17, “All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”
So often, I’ve been the sole focus of my life, and my emotions have run wild. (And let’s be honest, I’m a little wild. And that’s ok, it really is. I love that part of me). But I need balance, and more than an emotional experience in xyz (insert any situation ex. worship, bible study, friendship, relationships). I need knowledge of God. When I don’t “feel” close to the Lord I can’t just run off and try anything to get feeling back into my bones. I have to continue to run to Him. Despite a lackluster emotional connection at times. I need to run to God, and his word. “The heart cannot love what the mind does not know.” –From the book Women of the Word by Jen Wilken. Our hearts will grow in love for the Lord, as our minds soak in the holy knowledge of His majesty.
Romans 12: 1-2 “Therefore I urge you, brothers, on account of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”
So back to the raindrops falling on my head. Am I insecure at times? Absolutely. Do I need to be? Nope. And it’s not because I don’t have serious short falls, it’s because God is perfect. I have a 0% chance of being perfect on any given day. It’s because God traded his 100% perfect, holy, and righteous son to take my place and punishment for my sin. So when God looks at me, He doesn’t see me, but instead sees the righteousness of His son. And that is a really beautiful thing. At least it’s beautiful to me. That I don’t have to measure up, because I never will. So take time with the King today. Come before Him. Learn. Grow. Worship.
Thanks for going deep with me,
Psalm 33: 20-22, “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love be upon us, even as we hope in you.”
Join me in studying this passage if you have a couple extra minutes. Someone with a “you” centered focus might read…I’m waiting for God. He is my help and shield. I’m glad in you. I trust in you. Thanks for loving me. I’m hoping in you.
None of these are wrong, but they are “you” centered. Try reading with a “God” centered focus…The Lord is worthy of my soul waiting on Him. He is help. He is a shield. He brings gladness. He is trustworthy. His love is steadfast. He is worth hoping in.
See the difference? It is simply a different lenses in which to view scripture. I am pretty new to reading the word with a “God” centered focus, so we can learn and grow together.